Sunday, June 20, 2010
MOM and DAD
Fathers day is here , Mothers day just passed Dad What little memories i have of you race through my mind, So many emotions keep haunting me trying to understand why they wont let me be. Did you really even care about about me.? why where you never there? I miss you so much wish ,i could have had a relashonship with you. I wish i could have asked these questions before you passed. I wonder if you look down on me from heaven i hope you are proud of me.Even through all my good and bad memories I love you. Mother feeling the sadness fall from my eyes the tears a slow but constant release of pain from the past years of my childhood, Most the time there are no ways to find the words to describe those days.. Holding on to what i hoped to be ,Wanting answers i seem to never get eats me up inside plays like a record skiping over and over in my mined. Its time to face reality that YOU as MOTHER will never come back to me.I want to FORGIVE and FORGET niether are possible for me still. I feel like im the mother and you are the child .Iv made it this far in life im going to make it all the way im, proud of who i am and what iv accoplished in my life. I do believe all iv seen and all i have gone through in my childhood this has made me stronger Iv learned from what i have seen . Im not damaged goods or a lost soul JUST. YOUR CHILD Who will always wonder why my parents did what they did i will search for answers i guess till the day you die mom. One day i will learn to forgive but i will never forget. your daughter mom and your Prinncess Dad.
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Not having the parents your heart always wanted does hurt.... you deserved a loving mom and dad just as every child does. But I know when your dad was terminally ill he was not thinking of himself, but of you and your sister. He was truly sorry he hadn't been a better father and he wanted you to know that he loved you. He asked his mom to give you a necklace from him to you. I know he didn't make good choices, but he did love you..
ReplyDeleteAs for your mom, no she hasn't been there for you either. But I remember her as a beautiful lady that made poor choices I'm sure she now regrets. People don't take drugs because they are happy....they take them because they are not.
You don't have to forget the sadness of your childhood, Charlene, but you can, over time, let it go. Hurts builds the character that blossoms into softness for others. The negative becomes a positive.
Do not ever think you were not loved Charlene....you always have been.