weight loss like walkin the high wire

Well since i came back from Cuba iv had a tough time getting back to exercising ,.eating right etc and iv been paying for it gained two pounds back, and feel like SHIT . So I'm back on track these last couple days went shopping a bought some cloths and looking forward to the summer so sitting her with a glass of water one of many of the day and No fatty snacks at night . Hopefully i don't fall off the weight loss high wire ...wish me luck .

MOM and DAD

Fathers day is here , Mothers day just passed Dad What little memories i have of you race through my mind, So many emotions keep haunting me trying to understand why they wont let me be. Did you really even care about about me.? why where you never there? I miss you so much wish ,i could have had a relashonship with you. I wish i could have asked these questions before you passed. I wonder if you look down on me from heaven i hope you are proud of me.Even through all my good and bad memories I love you.  Mother feeling the sadness fall from my eyes the tears a slow but constant release of pain from the past years of my childhood, Most the time there are no ways to find the words to describe those days.. Holding on to what i hoped to be ,Wanting answers i seem to never get eats me up inside plays like a record skiping over and over in my mined. Its time to face reality that YOU as MOTHER will never come back to me.I want to FORGIVE and FORGET niether are possible for me still. I feel like im the mother and you are the child .Iv made it this far in life im going to make it all the way im, proud of who i am and what iv accoplished in my life. I do believe all iv seen and all i have gone through in my childhood this has made me stronger Iv learned from what i have seen  . Im not damaged goods or a lost soul  JUST. YOUR CHILD Who will always wonder why my parents did what they did i will search for answers i guess till the day you die mom. One day i will learn to forgive but i will never forget. your daughter mom and your Prinncess Dad.

my other world

In sleep life's constraints unbuttoned and unzipped then cast off with the rest of the laundry in the hamper my fluffy pillow a giant sponge to sop up any left over worries spilling out my ears from my mined.
In sleep its my number that wins the lottery.
In sleep i can fly with the birds and travel to far away places go back in time revisit memorable times,
In sleep there are no wrinkles or grey hair and i can go back to being 20 again and money is of no concern.
My dream world is my haven there i can still believe in fairy tales, and guardian angels ,and prince charming and happy endings.

Child at heart

Child like the ability to still, laugh, imagine, hope, and wonder. Life does not have to be so serious. We all have a inner child we all need to let out more often.I still remember what it was like to explore the world when i was a child ,i never wanted to go to sleep. Like a child at heart i still get wildly enthusiastic about the little things,
I'm a exited kid a Christmas
I love summer time vacations and road trips .
I enjoy rolling up my pants feeling the sand between my toes skipping barefoot through the waves. Watching the sunsets ,feeling the rain on my face .
Always remember never to forget to imagine, hope, and wonder. Life is your adventure let the child in you explore.

Call out the hidden child

THOUGHTS RUNNING IN ALL DIRECTIONS

Since i came back from my trip to Cuba i have itchy feet to get up and go again looked into beautiful Rv camp sites on the island and we will be going there in August for sure just have to pick one hopefully with a ocean view also want to maybe go to Kellowna or Pentictin for 5 days so beautiful there , long drive though and if i go on my own cause hubby works it will be kind of scary pulling a 19 foot trailer for hours driving hoping im getting to my destination getting lost would be no fun and well it sounds like a great idea I'm hesitant maybe i will stay around the Fraser valley Hmm i just don't know .I feel like iv lived here all my life and have not even seen all are beautiful country has to offer i wish i could just get up and go . On to another idea swimming in my head looking into a cruise ,we have had a free cruise giving to use with no closing date when we bought our house our real estate agent gave it to use as a gift SO i really want to get that booked its just been sitting here, crazy eh . Also now I'm adding a save a couple hundred a month to my list of things i want and need so me and Jay can take a vacation next year to ,as i said i got the traveling bug .Ok what is this thought or idea number 4 iv lost count way to much on my mined i want to do it all .We also have 1998 VW sitting that we are going to sell another thing just sitting that could be money in our pockets well not really in our pockets it will get spent on something or rather seems like things do come in threes both are vehicle's need new tires and before we can take the trailer out this summer it needs tires to ..Money spending never ends all in all looking forward to the summer i think it will be full of adventure just need to settle on a few ideas and file and sort through the others for another time and date.

Vegies and more vegies

Thank good i love Veggies I'm eating greens reds yellows oranges i had a salad with dinner today with 4 different types of lettuce I'm working hard on taking my vitamins every day. Doc says I'm low in vitamin B so taking that to .I'm going to the gym 3 times a week i know i feel better for it, and i have been doing it so far but i really need to find something i look forward to doing, I'm going to start a yoga class and when i lose more weight and have more flexibility I'm going to join a kick boxing aerobic class, or maybe even a Karate class . If i think to much about my lengthy goal i get overwhelmed so for now i try to take it day by day .I do have treats i had a chocolate bar on Saturday as to not deprive myself of snacks just to treat my self ,no good not letting go once in a while.I do think it would be allot easier for long term change if my husband really cared about his health to he keeps saying he knows he's not in good health but then slams back chips and a chocolate bar. The other night right as i got in bed it was after 12 midnight and in walks jay into the bedroom with a glass of coke and a fudgsicle in his mouth as crawls in bed. I gave him such a dirty look and he new i was pissed. How could he be SO insensitive he knows I'm trying hard to loss weight and get healthy and he did not even care.... I guess i have to work on me, and not think cause I'm ready for change he should be too, i cant help him with change until he wants change i just wish he could respect my wishes and keep that crap away from me especially late at night .